If you don’t want me to haunt you when i die, follow these suggestions

Here I just have a list of simple requests i would like to be followed if i die, or else i will be a petty ghost and haunt you. You will stub your toe and accidentally bite your cheek for the rest of your life 3 times a day.

  1. I want all shooters at my funeral. Please and Thank you.giphy8
  2. I leave all my estate(debt and sailor moon merch and size 6 shoes) to 45. I know I know, My benevolence knows no bounds. giphy9
  3. My husband shall wait 2 years before finding , talking, cuffing, cup caking, associating or marrying a new wife or he fake. period dot com. His ass is grass. He will stub only his pinkie toe. 6 times a day for life. 
  4. No open casket Dont look at me while im dead ew please look at my Instagram, that’s where all of my public approved pictures are.
  5. Don’t waste money on a funeral, it’s really not that serious, no one even wants to go to it, give that money to my sisters.
  6. While we are at it cremate me and scatter my ashes in some pretty ocean water like in the Bahamas, so i can be a mermaid.
  7. If y’all really feel the need to memorialize my awesome bury my remains as a tree, not apple cuz I was never a sour apple bitter bih, maybe lemon, and use them for the lemon pepper wings and freeze cups days
  8. i will haunt anyone who wears a shirt with my face or likeness on it after i die, y’all will never pick a cute picture for it.                                 
  9. i don’t trust any one but my husband to make a go-fund-me account in my name so don’t do it, yall shady for real
  10. Dont show up at my Facebook fake like we talk, if you don’t read my blog don’t even pretend we cool in my death.                                                                                          
  11. If i was killed or have beef with any one don’t say i would wish peace or forgiveness on shit, blow that mother effer up. i was never that nice.  If the person is an Irish  Muslim Police Officer named Dave, don’t hate all Irishmen, or Muslims or Police officers, just Dave. Even i am not that petty.Image result for niggas at my funeral gif

Moms are human too ♥

Moms are human too

mom rant time

The best thing about this nonsense rant, is that it applies to all family members just change mother to sister, son, aunt, uncle boyfriend, etc. Mom just has a bigger impact. You don’t talk about someone’s mom. As crazy as your mom is something just won’t let you deck her for being mean to you.

Noun: mom; plural noun: moms

  1. One’s mother.

“My mom gave us each a slice of pizza”

Origin late 19th century: abbreviation of momma.

 

Mom mom mom Mommy momma mother. Giver of life. Queen of kisses number one woman in your life. Moms work so hard for us for even before day one. They never receive the credit they deserve. We will never be able to pay them back for the sacrifices they have endured for us. We love them unconditionally. period. dot. com

 

Fact: your mother loves you

Fiction: mother knows/does best at all times

When you are born you give your mom 100% trust. Mother knows best mother does not lie mother loves me.

 

 As you get older you realize that mother lies, mother is just learning as she goes, mother is only human. But she still loves you (for most of us).

I believe that we give mothers a lotta bit too much in the forgiveness department. Just because that’s your mother does not excuse her from being crazy. Yeah we are lucky to be alive but maybe it would be better if she swallowed sometimes.

When you have a child you don’t immediately become perfect. Moms usually try really hard. But raising humans is hard. Moms make mistakes and it’s not a secret, but when it comes to owning up to those mistakes/ taking responsibility for them, or apologizing, They mostly are pardoned without resolution. We excuse them because we think they mean well, but what about when they don’t.

Children are expected to overlook their mother’s short comings just because she gave birth to them.

Why is it OK for moms to be crazy but not for anyone else?

Why is it ok for your mother to hurt you when it’s not ok for anyone else?

Why is it a problem to talk about?

Why do we need to just let it go?

Why are children the bad ones for reminding mothers that hey you didn’t apologize for being a turd?

Why are we ungrateful when we try to distance ourselves from oppressors?

Why is it a problem to have high expectations of the person you are supposed to love unconditionally?

We should not have to sweep her crazy under the rug because your father didn’t pull out.

Stop guilt tripping your kids into interacting with you, and act right so they want to visit.

Now just because your mother may make a mistake, that doesn’t automatically make her a bad mom. The bad mom part comes in when they keep on making those mistakes because they can get away with it, because they are unchallenged.

When someone you know says their mom is mean, don’t dismiss it due to mothers have their reasons. Some mothers are just straight up selfish. Some mothers just straight up shouldn’t have kids. You can’t speak about what you don’t know, if you don’t live that child’s life, you don’t know what their mom, dad, uncle, auntie, sister, teacher does to them. Just because they don’t beat you does not mean there are not scars.

Just because your mom loves you does not mean your neighbor’s mom loves them.

And I will get crap for saying this because mom is bae, but you don’t owe your mom squat if she treats you like the bare minimum. Parents are legally required to support their minor children. Supporting your kids includes providing food, clothing, shelter, and basic care and Making sure you go to school. Anything else is just extra.

So yeah she didn’t have to keep you. Yeah other children have it worse. But that doesn’t make her treating you any type of way ok.

Being family does not excuse you from being a brat.

And just because it doesn’t apply to you does not make this false.

i do realize that moms are amazing, when they want to be.

and even when i do have children i will not understand.

signed #ungrateful

 

 

 

 

 

10 types of people at work~ you are welcome

  1. Ms New New
    • Not sick of it all yet
    • Probably a newlywed
    • Everyone gives them unwanted advice
    • Normally given tasks no one else wants to do
    • Does things out of the goodness of their heart even if they aren’t paid to do it yet
    • not necessarily new but has not been corrupted by society just yet
    • giphy

Miss Excuse

    • Her aunt just died
    • Her child is sick
    • Her cat needs to go to the vet
    • Has emergency surgery
    • Her car had a flat
    • Probably owes you money
    • Is always in avoidable situations
    • miss “Im having problems with my cable bill I need to call them during business hours and you know they have you on hold all day, can u cover for me” face ass
    • giphy1

Queen Mean

  • Never has anything nice to say
  • Feels like someone owes her something for doing her job
  • no matterwhat she says, it comes off as rude, out of place, and unnecessary
  • Queen complainer
  • Is not bad at her job so we can’t fire her
  • giphy2

Mister Buzzkill

  • When you are gabbing with your coworkers they  reminds you of how much work y’all need to get done.
  • never included in the office lotto pool
  • giphy3

Father Time

  • Been in the company 100 years
  • Rules don’t apply to them
  • allergic to all change
  • resistant-to-change

Miss wanna be boss

  • Sends emails about every little mistake
  • Double checks others work, when it’s not her job
  • Gives unasked for advice
  • Doesn’t know what the company would do without her
  • Complains about how much work she has to do, but volunteers for extra work
  • reliable but annoying
  • eoesxzz

Miss Wish they would

  • Wishes they would fire her so she can collect unemployment
  • Does only her job nothing extra
  • Always has receipts
  • Will never catch her slipping
  • Rules also do not apply to hergiphy7

Mr Awful

  • Always makes mistake
  • Deny Deny Deny making mistakes
  • Constantly blames others for their own incompetence
  • No one knows why or how they are still there
  • Miss Wish always checks him
  • giphy6

Mr Who?

  • You don’t know who they are or what they do in the company but they are always in the background
  • Probably named john smithor jane doe
  • never invited but always there
  • forgettable
  • giphy4

IT department

  • never available
  • tells you to google it
  • never fully fixes your problem, probably so they keep having a job
  • giphy5

Why you should sit on public toilet seats, 🗣fight me about it I don’t care

5 things I do when I cannot go to sleep

Just in case some of you were struggling

 

  1. I do jumping jacks, run, skip, jump, dance. Whatever I can do to tire myself out.
  2. Milk n cookies, totally cliché but I like Cinna buns and french-fries before bed too. Totally not recommended though. One day when I grow up I will look like an ice-cream cone.
  3. Count sheep or study. Studying always puts me to sleep and the worst case scenario is you will end up learning something
  4. Watch the news or your s/o play Destiny 2
  5. I listen to instrumental, but be careful with that because some instrumentals are to poppin’ to sleep too.

10 things no one told me about ‘dieting’

When my PCP told me I was  ‘overweight’, the first thing I said was, “where!?’ because I certainly don’t look it, I have NEVER been cuter, so what if I’m not 100lbs any more I have a little booty now so that’s all that matters. But for my height of 5ft I should not weigh 140lbs lol not that big of a deal but my doctor put me on a diet. I have not lost any weight probably because I cannot fully commit, but people has said I look like I have lost weight, and I have been looking healthier. You are what you eat does matter a smidge.

  1. French fries are not healthy. They are not veggies either, they are carbs. I felt so cheated. White rice too! I thought I was being healthy AF eating white rice instead of fried, but it’s still just another source of carbs.
  2. Meal prepping is not Instagram pretty. It can be when you are done and arrange it to be so. It’s actually hard and time consuming and easily forgotten. You have to be dedicated and focused to not go to Zaxbys.
  3. You have to remember to diet when you are on vacation or celebrating holidays too. you cant cheat .
  4. You can’t just eat right and get sexy overnight, you need to exercise too(boo hiss hiss)
  5. After being half way healthy for a couple of months (I can’t fully commit) my period has been over 9000x’s better. Little to no cramping bloating and it was even shorter. I have always had uncomfortable periods but now they are less uncomfortable.
  6. . Everyone says drink more water but no one ever explains why. Its actually really good for losing weight and feeling good. The best thing for any diet is to drop the soda, Kool-Aid and sweet tea.
  7. Junk food tastes super unhealthy after going cold turkey. Your stomach will straight up hate it when you go to Mc Donald’s after being clean for a few weeks.
  8. I’m regular now. TMI but I poop pee and pass gas after every meal now like clockwork. I did do that stuff before and I never thought I had problems with it, but once you get regular you can’t imagine being constipated ever again.
  9. I ate more often, but smaller portions, idk why but I stopped pigging out and now I just eat the recommended servings. I still get full…I just eat 5 times a day now
  10. I never though just half way dieting could make me feel happy. If I thought I was hot stuff before, just eating right had me feeling extra poppin’. My face was cute my hair was cute. When you think you look good you are happier.

If I fully committed to a healthy lifestyle I’m sure my results would be great enough for me to be an Instagram model.

But since i will probably be fat before i fully commit i will continue to go places where they have doughnut burgers to sabotage my husbands diet 💕

The Foreigner ~ Review

 

My hubby and i went to support Uncle Jackie last night at our local theater. The Foreigner is about a man who has survived the deaths of his whole family, and is out for vengeance for his last remaining relative, his daughter. It’s not your typical revenge movie though, its quite interesting the way the movie plays out, the way we find out more and more about our main character as the movie pans out is nice. Chan’s character took matters into his own hands because certain people were just too unconcerned, for him, and for me.

 

The movie wasn’t filled with excitement or happiness, but it was interesting, and had you wanting to keep watching . I think its great that throughout the movie we felt for the main characters loss, and the longing for answers that no one was able to give. How awesome is it to be able to force the answers out of people who even the police officers cannot. At the end I was satisfied but still sad, this man worked hard his whole life just for things to keep falling apart.

Our only complaint, was the same complaint we have for Transformers and Godzilla, there was not enough of the Foreigner, himself. I felt like the movie was more about the ‘antagonist'(for lack of better word) than Jackie Chan’s character.

I will recommend it to all my friends though. I hope Hollywood continues to offer Jackie roles that show how awesome he is, even when he is not a bad-ass martial artist type.

10 not so cute things my Husband says to Me

  1. Idk why you dont look cute in pictures baby you look cute in person.
  2. Stop being such a brute you cant just force it in there, just give it here…!
  3. Keep your lil grubby fingers off my TV!
  4. Just give it to me that’s not where it goes!
  5. Omg i married a Grimlin!
  6. Thats my wifes dog, even though it looks like a rat
  7. No stop stop you are cleaning it wrong, ill do it.
  8. Be nice please
  9. Dont touch anything, ever
  10. Why are your feet print on the window?! 


~ Sam 

None of this bothers me, i am lucky he cleans up after me and doesnt let me take ugly pictures, i feel bad for some of yall.