If you don’t want me to haunt you when i die, follow these suggestions

Here I just have a list of simple requests i would like to be followed if i die, or else i will be a petty ghost and haunt you. You will stub your toe and accidentally bite your cheek for the rest of your life 3 times a day.

I want all shooters at my funeral. Please and Thank you.
I leave all my estate(debt and sailor moon merch and size 6 shoes) to 45. I know I know, My benevolence knows no bounds.
My husband shall wait 2 years before finding , talking, cuffing, cup caking, associating or marrying a new wife or he fake. period dot com. His ass is grass. He will stub only his pinkie toe. 6 times a day for life.
No open casket Dont look at me while im dead ew please look at my Instagram, that’s where all of my public approved pictures are.
Don’t waste money on a funeral, it’s really not that serious, no one even wants to go to it, give that money to my sisters.
While we are at it cremate me and scatter my ashes in some pretty ocean water like in the Bahamas, so i can be a mermaid.
If y’all really feel the need to memorialize my awesome bury my remains as a tree, not apple cuz I was never a sour apple bitter bih, maybe lemon, and use them for the lemon pepper wings and freeze cups days
i will haunt anyone who wears a shirt with my face or likeness on it after i die, y’all will never pick a cute picture for it.
i don’t trust any one but my husband to make a go-fund-me account in my name so don’t do it, yall shady for real
Dont show up at my Facebook fake like we talk, if you don’t read my blog don’t even pretend we cool in my death.
If i was killed or have beef with any one don’t say i would wish peace or forgiveness on shit, blow that mother effer up. i was never that nice. If the person is an Irish Muslim Police Officer named Dave, don’t hate all Irishmen, or Muslims or Police officers, just Dave. Even i am not that petty.