If you don’t want me to haunt you when i die, follow these suggestions

Here I just have a list of simple requests i would like to be followed if i die, or else i will be a petty ghost and haunt you. You will stub your toe and accidentally bite your cheek for the rest of your life 3 times a day.

  1. I want all shooters at my funeral. Please and Thank you.giphy8
  2. I leave all my estate(debt and sailor moon merch and size 6 shoes) to 45. I know I know, My benevolence knows no bounds. giphy9
  3. My husband shall wait 2 years before finding , talking, cuffing, cup caking, associating or marrying a new wife or he fake. period dot com. His ass is grass. He will stub only his pinkie toe. 6 times a day for life. 
  4. No open casket Dont look at me while im dead ew please look at my Instagram, that’s where all of my public approved pictures are.
  5. Don’t waste money on a funeral, it’s really not that serious, no one even wants to go to it, give that money to my sisters.
  6. While we are at it cremate me and scatter my ashes in some pretty ocean water like in the Bahamas, so i can be a mermaid.
  7. If y’all really feel the need to memorialize my awesome bury my remains as a tree, not apple cuz I was never a sour apple bitter bih, maybe lemon, and use them for the lemon pepper wings and freeze cups days
  8. i will haunt anyone who wears a shirt with my face or likeness on it after i die, y’all will never pick a cute picture for it.                                 
  9. i don’t trust any one but my husband to make a go-fund-me account in my name so don’t do it, yall shady for real
  10. Dont show up at my Facebook fake like we talk, if you don’t read my blog don’t even pretend we cool in my death.                                                                                          
  11. If i was killed or have beef with any one don’t say i would wish peace or forgiveness on shit, blow that mother effer up. i was never that nice.  If the person is an Irish  Muslim Police Officer named Dave, don’t hate all Irishmen, or Muslims or Police officers, just Dave. Even i am not that petty.Image result for niggas at my funeral gif

5 things I do when I cannot go to sleep

Just in case some of you were struggling

 

  1. I do jumping jacks, run, skip, jump, dance. Whatever I can do to tire myself out.
  2. Milk n cookies, totally cliché but I like Cinna buns and french-fries before bed too. Totally not recommended though. One day when I grow up I will look like an ice-cream cone.
  3. Count sheep or study. Studying always puts me to sleep and the worst case scenario is you will end up learning something
  4. Watch the news or your s/o play Destiny 2
  5. I listen to instrumental, but be careful with that because some instrumentals are to poppin’ to sleep too.

10 things no one told me about ‘dieting’

When my PCP told me I was  ‘overweight’, the first thing I said was, “where!?’ because I certainly don’t look it, I have NEVER been cuter, so what if I’m not 100lbs any more I have a little booty now so that’s all that matters. But for my height of 5ft I should not weigh 140lbs lol not that big of a deal but my doctor put me on a diet. I have not lost any weight probably because I cannot fully commit, but people has said I look like I have lost weight, and I have been looking healthier. You are what you eat does matter a smidge.

  1. French fries are not healthy. They are not veggies either, they are carbs. I felt so cheated. White rice too! I thought I was being healthy AF eating white rice instead of fried, but it’s still just another source of carbs.
  2. Meal prepping is not Instagram pretty. It can be when you are done and arrange it to be so. It’s actually hard and time consuming and easily forgotten. You have to be dedicated and focused to not go to Zaxbys.
  3. You have to remember to diet when you are on vacation or celebrating holidays too. you cant cheat .
  4. You can’t just eat right and get sexy overnight, you need to exercise too(boo hiss hiss)
  5. After being half way healthy for a couple of months (I can’t fully commit) my period has been over 9000x’s better. Little to no cramping bloating and it was even shorter. I have always had uncomfortable periods but now they are less uncomfortable.
  6. . Everyone says drink more water but no one ever explains why. Its actually really good for losing weight and feeling good. The best thing for any diet is to drop the soda, Kool-Aid and sweet tea.
  7. Junk food tastes super unhealthy after going cold turkey. Your stomach will straight up hate it when you go to Mc Donald’s after being clean for a few weeks.
  8. I’m regular now. TMI but I poop pee and pass gas after every meal now like clockwork. I did do that stuff before and I never thought I had problems with it, but once you get regular you can’t imagine being constipated ever again.
  9. I ate more often, but smaller portions, idk why but I stopped pigging out and now I just eat the recommended servings. I still get full…I just eat 5 times a day now
  10. I never though just half way dieting could make me feel happy. If I thought I was hot stuff before, just eating right had me feeling extra poppin’. My face was cute my hair was cute. When you think you look good you are happier.

If I fully committed to a healthy lifestyle I’m sure my results would be great enough for me to be an Instagram model.

But since i will probably be fat before i fully commit i will continue to go places where they have doughnut burgers to sabotage my husbands diet 💕

12 things that make up a friend 

A pet peeve of mine is when people spout on Facebook that they have no real friends. First of all if I see your post on Facebook what am I? Your FRIEND, unless you just keep me around to be nosy. (my life is pretty poppin right now so I don’t blame you)  Point being you probably have friends you just dont take advantage of them properly. Cuz imma ride or die for my friends, when they let me know when and where the fight is. 

Just because someone doesn’t jump through hoops to be all up in your face does not make them a bad friend. But It does make me feel like you not looking for a friend, you are looking for a minion.

 

Lol Facebook probably should be called acquaintance book

 I think some people need a reminder of what a friend is, so I will help you all out.

 

1. A person who you like, and who likes you back and you all are NOT smashing

 

2. Someone where if you need assistance you are not afraid to ask them for it

 

3. Someone who if you ask for assistance and they tell you no, you still like them

 

4. Someone who even though you don’t talk to them every day when you do speak its not awkward

 

5. You don’t feel pressured to hold a conversation with them, sometimes you just enjoy their presence.

 

6. You tag each other in social media posts at least once a year

 

7. When they text you out of the blue you don’t automatically assume they want something from you, but if you do, you are happy to assist

 

8. You recognize that they may have friends or hobbies that don’t pertain to you but, they still cool

 

9. You don’t feel like you need to hide yourself or certain parts of your life from them, you don’t feel judged

 

10. When you do things together you are happy

 

11. You are always rooting for them, even if you do not speak often

 

12. You don’t feel used when you are with them

 

Someone doesn’t just stop being your friend because you do not text every day.

 

If you really feel some type of way about someone not contacting you, you contact them! Also remember that people don’t run on your time. So if it takes them two days to respond they were busy, but after that happens a few times, now you know how important you are to them so adjust yourself accordingly. People make time who they want to make time for. You do too.

 

Friendship goes both ways. Just like I could’ve checked up on you, YOU could’ve checked up on me. If it really bothers you enough to the point that you feel like you are being mistreated? Is that REALLY your friend/ and why are you trying so hard to force them to you? People don’t have to miss you ya know.

 

Most friends these days are not mind readers, they do not know you have a problem in your life unless you tell them, they will not be able to be there for you unless you let them know. Yes they could’ve checked on you, but you also could’ve reached out and let them know you are struggling.

 

Friendship duties go both ways, they can’t be a good friend if you don’t let them be.

Picture stolen from @aprilamosart  on instagram i love litlle Charlotte and Tiana they are sooooo cute